Kyle’s Least Anticipated Summer Movies of 2017

I am a pessimist by nature and always have been.  Never been too keen on looking on the bright side of things.  All my favorite movies are sad and the characters are emotionally suffering.  So with that, I present to you my least anticipated movies for this summer.  So open a bottle of wine, listen to The Smiths because it’s about to get real dark

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword

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There is nothing in this movie that looks appealing to me.  Guy Ritchie is tied for my least favorite director of all time and him doing a classic medieval movie already is giving me headaches from the quick cuts from the underwhelming Charlie Hunnam on a horse.   This movie has also had 4 different release dates which typically means the movie is awful and the Studio has no clue what to do with it.  Expect this to bomb and be at the top of people’s lists for worst movies at the end of the year

Baywatch

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This is the culmination of trying to replicate success.  Paramount is taking the formula that only worked for the Jump Street saga.  Taking an old television series and adding a raunchy script to make it more adult accessible is so frustrating.  The entire poster as seen above is a penis joke.  If all you want is to look at Dwayne Johnson shirtless and making phallic jokes, go watch Monday Night Raw from 1999, there is plenty of that there.  This style of comedy does not work now a days.  People want something smart and worth their time; this is not worth mine.

Wonder Woman

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There will be absolutely no hope for the DC universe after this movie barely reaches 200 million dollars.  There is no draw to this movie.  No one knows who the villain is and they are just banking on the name alone will bring people to the theater.  Maybe if they would give us a little something about the movie instead of just another generic origin story I would be interested.  Wonder Woman will be responsible for the death of DC comic book movies and I cannot wait to see the documentary on it in twenty years where Kevin Smith says that he wrote the first pass of the script and got fired.

Cars 3

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Okay seriously, has Pixar lost all integrity and just decided to make movies that will make them a lot of money.  In the early days of Pixar, they were loaded with really great original stories with groundbreaking animation.  They only had one series and it was because it was what made the most sense.  Now every movie they put out is expected to have a sequel and I am over it.  Pixar hasn’t had a good movie (minus Moana) since 2010 with Toy Story 3.  And they are ruining that saga with adding a 4th for no reason at all.  Cars was fine with the first one; it had an interesting concept and a great voice cast.  The second one was so bad I watched fifteen minutes and decided to take a break from movies for a little bit.  This third one is going to be so bad, but as I have stated before, it will make a lot of money, therefor granting… A FOURTH CARS MOVIE.

Transformers: The Last Knight

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I mean come on.  When is enough enough?  I remember being so excited for the first one.  I loved the toys and cartoons and Linkin Park was hitting their peak when they did the theme song.  It went all downhill from there.  Does anyone even care about this story anymore?

I urge you to go watch something good this summer.  There are some great smaller movies coming out with brilliant directors and performers at the helm.  Make a statement this summer and let the theaters and production companies know that there is a market for smart films.


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